A Short and Fruitless Open Letter

To Ms. Heather Lyke and Mr. Jeff Capel,

I hope your quarantine is going well and you are remembering to keep 6 feet between your persons to social distance. The CDC, however did not say we had to keep a mile in between the two basketball teams located on the same road.

Your attempts at destroying what is city and in most cases family tradition have succeeded. In late November or early December you will play host to a low-major program that will no doubt attract a capacity crowd. Just kidding, you’ll probably draw 2,500 people. You could have drawn a sellout by agreeing to play the team down the road. The team that is loaded with upper-class men and poised to make its first NCAA tournament birth in in 44 years. We don’t want to tarnish your image in the area though, and watch Mike Hughes emasculate your freshman or Coach Keith Dambrot take you on a coaching clinic, Jeff.

We would have played in your palace of a gym for no money, just for the tradition that was built in this city. Thank you for the very generous offer to play at that palace in 2021-22! Yinz are gracious. However, at this time you don’t fit our Atlantic 10 scheduling model. Cal Baptist looks better to the committee! As always, we appreciate the offer, but answer is thanks but no thanks.

Maybe we will see you all down the line when you have an athletic director who respects tradition and a coach who realizes basketball was invented before he was born. Anyways, have a nice summer and remember those 6 feet always.

Sincerely, your neighbors on Forbes Avenue.